September 5th, Day 84. Steve joined us for breakfast before saying farewell again and Jane took me back to Portbalintrae. Got on the water still tired even though I had just rested for two days and the sun was already quite warm, which for me in my dry suit, isn’t great. Because I was dropped off in the morning and I wanted to cover some ground I decided to get on the water even though I was against the tide. I figured I could still get moving rather than just sit around but I should have just waited. Here I am paddling against current and expending all this energy that I didn’t even start the day with. Why am I feeling so fatigued? Why still am I having such a hard time getting food down? It just has been such an issue to feel like I want to eat when I’m paddling which means I get in a cycle of then not being able to eat and then feeling really run down.
The sea was acting pretty strange too, something about the way the wind and tide were behaving together made these weird clapotis type waves and they were irregular, steep and choppy. By the time I fought around Ramore head into Portrush harbor I was exhausted and sad. I was looking across at a 10 mile crossing and the wind was picking up. Had lunch and pushed on to Portstewart where I stopped again and sat down trying to eat and drink in the hot sun. It just felt like why am I doing this, I’m not enjoying this, I don’t feel well. After a good cry and feeling like I couldn’t move on, Steve called and I cried about what I was seeing on the sea and feeling in my body and mind and eventually I messaged my friend Catherine who lives nearby for a bit of a rescue. She took me to get fish and chips and we ate in her flat overlooking the sea. It was good to get food down and I relaxed there for a bit before paddling then to the river ban where Steve’s friend could collect me and took me to Steve’s house. It was better to go just a little bit more than try and find a place for the boat around the harbor. I also realized that now the sun sets earlier and I was on the water as it was setting, trying not to be in the dark for too long. In perfect timing as I approached the sand in the tidal river, I saw a bright beam of light walking through the tall grass until eventually making it to the beach and spotting me as I pulled up. We walked my stuff to his car and was in Steve’s house in no time. He’s a busy guy so he wasn’t around. I called my friend Ben feeling heavy and apprehensive about continuing my trip. Just so many days recently have felt like this. We had a really good chat and he told me a story about how he overcame something and the good advice that came from it. It was like a hug and a slap in the face at the same time - just what I needed. Went to bed feeling a little better.
